First Ape to Walk on the Moon Declared Dead from Tang Overdose

November 18th, 2009 → 10:29 pm @ admin

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The first ape to have ever walked on the moon has died today from an apparent Tang overdose. His body was discovered by Michael Jackson’s long-time friend and pet chimp, Bubbles, at the townhome he shared with Harlan in Wauchula, Florida. Harlan was 20 years old; he landed on the moon on June 3, 1981.
SpaceMonkey

Bubbles had arrived at the townhome at 4am on November 18 to find Harlan in his bed wearing only a diaper. On the nightstand was a nearly empty canister of Tang – the powdered drink mix astronauts typically become dependent upon during their space flights. The city coroner says that it appears to be an accidental Tang overdose. Charges are not expected to be filed, but Bubbles is being questioned.

This is not the first mysterious death that has been connected to Bubbles. On June 25, 2009 Michael Jackson died from cardiac arrest suffered at his Los Angeles home. The two separated bitterly in 2003 after Jackson claimed Bubbles became too controlling and aggressive in their relationship.

Harlan joined the National Aeronautics and Space Administration in 1980, not even a year after his birth. In that same year he was sponsored by the government and selected to be an astronaut in the spaceflight program.

Ronald Grabe, a former astronaut, said, “He [Harlan] exhibited an astounding work ethic, especially for an ape. When he punched in in the morning, he focused on his work. Not once did I ever see him touch himself during meetings. He saved that for his lunch break or until he punched out in the evening.”

He was released from NASA in 1989 after he and Buzz Aldrin were involved in multiple altercations, all of which ended with Harlan screaming and throwing poop at the legendary astronaut.

tangmonkey

With Jane Goodall at his side, Bubbles told the media that he would like to express his condolences to Harlan’s fans across the world and his family at NASA, and that he is done associating with public figures known for moonwalking.

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On a space-related subject, we’d like to alert you to a special that will air on the National Geographic Channel on Nov 19, 9pm ET. It’s called Mars: Making the New Earth.